crunching numbers
by xxbeni.music.soul
Summary: Silly!fic. Mostly Yullen. KanLena friendship. Blink-and-miss-it LaviLena. Updated! Lavi, Bookman-to-be, educates: "When a daddy Yuu-chan loveslovesloves a momma Moyashi-chan..."
1. PROTULAs Unite!

crunching numbers

Chapter One: PROTULAs Unite!

_Yullen and barely there, blink-and-miss-it LaviLena. KanLena friendship. Poor Kanda, Lenalee is a woman on a mission... one that contains yaoi, the unthinkable and the abuse of inanimate objects. And of Lavi. Silly!fic._

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"Either say or leave me alone." A single, dark blue cracks open scathingly, "And for fuck's sake stop. Staring. At me."

Lenalee Lee, 16, maybe-or-maybe-not Heart of Innocence and (more importantly) current Kanda-starer-extraordinaire, grinned sheepishly as she altogether dropped her make-believe meditating stance. "…sorry, that obvious?"

And the eye turns glare-ish.

"Okay, okay," Le sigh. "…so… you and… Allen-kun, huh? Never saw that coming."

Kanda's eyes flew open in (embarrassment? Disgust? Belated stomach reaction to Jerry's earlier soba-a-ton?) shock before narrowing in what the Chinese exorcist recognized as the 'Spill all you know or I'll spill your guts. Slowly' glare v. 2.0

(Disclaimer: No Lavi's were harmed in the making of this product. Mostly. No, really. We double-checked.)

"…How?" The gritted-out monosyllable slowly pulled Lenalee out of her little vision of **Prot**ect** U**r **La**vi!'s (or, PROTULA, for short) promotional posters and pins and oh, sweaters!

"Hmm? Oh, well last Monday on the training rooms let's just say I bore witness of the misusage of various training equipments." Lenalee explained absent-mindedly as she contemplated enlisting Marie's help; the blind man's sewing was on par with the fiercest fashion bitches/repressed designers/scientists of the Science Division.

"…_!_"

Rumor had it he was the reason the previous fashion diva, err, head scientist, resigned. "I mean, really, Kanda," She shook her head distractedly. One-tracked mind aside, she was a woman on a mission! "I doubt General Tiedoll ever taught you how to use Mugen so… creatively."

"…Tch. You point?"

Lenalee narrowed her eyes at him, very much serious as she leaned closer to the suddenly stiff male. This is it; the 'you're-not-good-for him speech'.

"Kanda… if he hurts you… I'm gonna tell brother that Allen-kun intends to make me his bride."

Smiling brightly at the slack-jawed Kanda, she straightened up, turning to leave.

Remembering himself, he snorted his disbelieve. "Pft, you're spending way too much time with that annoying bunny if his stupidity is rubbing on you so much," Resuming his stance, he allowed his eyes to drop shut as he muttered, "Like that idiotic bean sprout could hurt me."

Laughing good-naturally at Kanda's unique brand of affection, Lenalee called over her shoulder. "I guess you're right. Still, just thought you should know."

Listening to the barely there echo of her fading steps, Kanda sighed with a fondness that was completely involuntary.

"Stupid woman."


	2. Omake: daddy's&momma's

crunching numbers

Chapter Two: Omake (daddy's&momma's)

_Silly!fic. Mostly Yullen. KanLena friendship. Blink-and-miss-it LaviLena. Updated! Lavi, Bookman-to-be, educates: "When a daddy Yuu-chan loveslovesloves a momma Moyashi-chan..._

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"So~~! When a daddy Yuu-chan lovesloves_lurves_ a momma Moyashi-chan, he activates his trusty Mugen to… uh, _fertilize_ (oh don't look at me like that! That's totally PG and under!)… yeah, as I was saying, he fertilizes momma's pretty garden so that after 9 months of much gender-bending and /or alternatively, much fictional Mpreg, their little itty bitty silver-eyed, Loreal-worthy-haired, bean-sprouts spawns populate the world!"

"…I am so telling Allen-kun you made him the gender-bending preggo in their 'ship, Lavi."

"Pfft, like you don't know he isn't Yuu-chan's little bitch, eh, ma petite voyeur?"

"Aww, you look so cute when you're jealous."

"Hmp!"

"Hey, all I'm saying it's that you lot all forget Mugen isn't the only blade swinging between those two… and yes, I _do_ know. So there. Le yum-yum, you French-speaking, you."

"…I'm telling your brother."


End file.
